Day 7: Sacred Place
I have to say, I don’t really have a sacred place. I don’t have a place to escape to when I need to be connected to my tiny man. We had Charles cremated, and he is in my bedroom on a shelf. I guess his presence in that room is therapeutic, although so sad at the same time. I might need a sacred place.
Day 8: Resource
Oh there isn’t enough I can say about an amazing group of women I call my friends. Though I’ve never met any of them in real life, I feel so connected to these women. They are like my sisters. They were, and still are my solace when life gets rough. We all carried our babies to term, so if anyone understands my grief, it is them. Many of them have also suffered from the infertility I’ve been dealing with, so it’s so nice to have a group of women who can sympathize. If ever you are carrying to term, or needing support for such a journey, check out the Carrying to Term Despite Poor/Fatal Diagnosis board on BabyCenter.
Day 9: In Memory
I have been dreaming of tattoos to memorialize my child, but for various reasons, I’ve never followed through. I do however, have two beautiful necklaces. One, Jerry bought me at an impromptu visit to a mall just a few days after Charles died. I seldom wear it, because it started tarnishing, but it sits carefully in my jewelry box. The other, I won in a contest of sorts for women who lost their babies to PPROM (preterm, premature rupture of membranes-what they suspect happened to Charles) I also proudly hang the cross I received when he was baptized in my rearview mirror of my car.
My beautiful necklace from Pieces of Hope.
Day 10: Support
There are some days I feel supported, and there are some days I don’t. Most days are a “don’t” day. For the first few weeks after he died, there was a constant stream of support. Since the months have gone by and turned into a year, the support has waned. I would say our grieving was supported, but the journey to a rainbow is a whole other avenue that we get little to no support over. If I could suggest one thing amidst all of this, is to now downplay one’s struggles, be it over the loss of a child, or the struggle to have another one. There is nothing fun about infertility, there is nothing to relax about. Please, support us as we undergo this next chapter of our lives. The old “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” is a great reminder.
Day 11: Altar
This is my little man’s final resting place. It has changed over time, with the addition of some things, as well as the removal of others. It has changed locations many times too. No place will ever be perfect enough for him, for I rather he’d be in the classic car themed nursery I had planned, but alas, this is what I was given. Rest in Peace Tiny Dude. We love you.
My little guy.
And now that I’ve caught up, we will being again tomorrow with Day 12! Thanks for sticking with me!